I think I may have been having too many mommy meetings lately. For most of Ava's life, she has had her older brother and sister around torment play with. Now that they are away in kindergarten - full day kindergarten, Ava and I are a package deal. She goes with me pretty much everywhere. Although she is in preschool two mornings a week, it is not that much time (especially since we are a parent participation preschool family).
The past two weeks have been crazy for me with work. No, not so much with legal work. In September, when the twins started kindergarten, I decided to take a leave from my law practice for the most part.
I am not currently accepting new clients (I know - sorry! You in line can all just go back home! Kidding...) and have really scaled back on all of my law practice-related work except for a few select clients.
The work I have been busy with has been for a SV Moms Group event that was just held last Sunday. It was fabulously fun to plan and be a part of, but it did involve many phone calls, meetings, hours on the computer, and late nights. It is great to be able to have a job where the people on the other end of the phone call understand that you have kids ("moms" IS in the name SV Moms Group, after all), but at the end of the day it is not really fair to the kids for mommy to have such divided attention.
Let me say that I DID have a nanny and that I DO have the help of my parents quite frequently. But my nanny's husband recently died and it has been tough to...figure out whether she is coming back or not. I appreciate my parents' help, but know they want to be grandparents, not childcare providers (we have done that before and it really is a different relationship).
I think I have finally figured out - after a few weeks of Lily being increasingly tough to separate from at kindergarten and anytime I go out at all, of Ava screaming "stop talking!" at the end of a lunch date/tweetup and when a friend of mine dared to sit in "her" chair at Starbucks today to have some mommy talk, of Ben probably playing way too much Star Wars LEGO on the Wii. It is just not fair - to them - for me to be working so much while they are around. Sure, I have a flexible schedule. Sure, they are old enough (mostly...) to understand that Mommy is on the phone. But they deserve better. More attention. I'll admit it - the screen time has been getting out of hand of late. And I am not proud of that. My precious kids need less TV babysitting and more engaging play time. And I need to work - because I like to engaged professionally too, because I need some "me" time, because my family needs the extra income. No, I am not going back to work full time, but I do need some help.
Of course, I feel guilty no matter what I do. I will miss being The One Who Takes Care of Everyone. It is sort of how being a mother goes. I'm trying to let the guilt go a bit. Trying. But also trying to do the right thing.
So....the bottom line is that I guess I am looking for a new babysitter.